Saturdays are for what again?

So my little sweet pea and I slept in as late as she let us- a whopping 9:30am.  It is comical to me because I can remember the Saturdays pre-child when I slept in till like noon.  What did I do with all of the free time?  I was so self-indulged and lazy compared to me now!  It is amazing what babies do to you for the better!

Back to today- I have so far managed to eat HO R R I B L E.  This past week I went to Publix and bought healthier food than normal (for me) - like soups, wheat bread, cases of water, and crackers.  Well I broke that a day later by buying cupcakes & chocolate.  Ugh.  I am such an emotional eater and when shopping at Publix being in a grouchy mood- of course chocolate and cupcakes would come out of that trip.  I go off on tangents enough huh. . .

I have eaten crappy today and not changed out of my pj's. . . However, I have worked on court stuff for my attorney meeting Tuesday. I hope it goes well and not south how I feel it will.  We have to respond to my ex's petition by the 16th and that is sooo close. 

On another note, only 4-5hrs of daylight left and I have decided to watch tv with princess, take her to the park and then call it a day by having supper with a friend and some good girl talk.  My to do list is however looming over my head but the attorney meeting is clouding the clarity of my list causing me to think I won't truly accomplish anything on that list until I have taken care of the meeting Tuesday.  Wish me luck, my baby girl and I need all of it!

Too Much Pain To Deal With

So I haven't blogged in forever.  I promise to myself not to stop ever again because writing is my release for sure.   I am positive though the pause is due to trying to be busy and stay focused with what is going on in my life.  I was doing great, I had even put my past behind me (and by past I mean my horrid ex and terrible situation leaving.)  Then something hit me the day before yesterday, like a freight train.  My heart stopped, my blood pressure rose, my eyes teared up, and my stomach churned like a sea in a hurricane.  I was served papers for my amazing little girl.  He must be joking right?  He can't seriously think after not seeing her for a year-but like three times in a public place verbally degrading me for an hour counts?

Anyways... Let's try this again...

Good morning.  Sorry about not keeping in touch with you.  I am so depressed about this.  I spend every second with her now.  To think of not having her with me all the time makes me sick to my stomach.  She is so secure and happy right now.  She will be confused, scared and so upset when she has to go with him.  She will be a different personality due to the dysfunction because she isn't used to it.  Our worlds are so different.  His is ghetto and complicated.  Mine isn't perfect, but it is stable and loving and nurturing. 

 

She slept with me last night.  She didn't go to bed until pretty late bc she has been home with my mom and sister during the day due to their holiday breaks lasting long.  Ugh , I am so upset.  I have been breaking down into tears throughout the day and hiding it from people.  I can't lose my baby girl to him.  She is so innocent and child-like (as a one-year old should be).  He took that away from his son.  I don't want that taken away from her.  I know it will be though.

I must continue to give it everything I have, no matter how weak I feel.  Which is very weak right now-- how can evil win so many times and keep coming back?  How can people who do horrible things to other succeed and come back for more?

I must fight. Give it all I have.  Try and be her light in the very dark path he is trying to pull her down.

For all other single moms out there who are trying to survive and keep your child from your dangerous ex, remember you can't give up.  I am preaching to the choir, I realize this, but we all have to bind together and find strength in each other!