Friday, December 30, 2011

Family & Friends

There is not much better in this world than the evening I just had with family & friends. We were a little melting pot of fellowship. Quality time around supper out and then discussions at home.

I truly enjoy and miss my Lakeland familia. I'm glad we've also added a great character from South FL thanks to my baby did bringing him home for the holiday.

Goodnight world.


I hope everyone has an amazing end of 2011 and start to 2012.  I know this past year has been full of ups and downs for me, definitely a roller coaster.  I am still trying to catch my breath with this suit from my ex.   Things have to get better.  Things have to progress.  Change in inevitable.

My new year's resolution isn't to quit something, lose weight, or a typical resolution - but to have a makeover from the inside out, bc Lord knows, I need it more than most!  I have been through so much this year and I have let it burden me like most people are prone to do.

I hope to make changes that will allow me to be peaceful.  Allow me to make the most of every second with my little one bc she is my sun, moon, and stars! I plan on becoming that A+ person I used to be and let this B- attitude find a new owner!

Happy New Year people!  Spend it with your family & true friends because they are the true staples of your life! 

Nutritional Starts

So my day starts a little crappy (big shocker, I know)...   Instead of a place that opens at 8:30am having employees that actually show up at that is apparently unseen at this particular business location I had to visit. So 20minutes later they come in at 8:50 and serve me, thankfully within 5min bc I'm due at work @ 9am. I get to work and go to grab a nutritional staple from the vending machine and my stinking prepared get stuck. After rounds of violently shaking the machine then acting calm and cool as an employee passes, I play it off by pulling out the oreo package and coca cola and slipping back into my office to devour my morning supplements. Ah, this should be a swell Friday.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Too Much Pain To Deal With

So I haven't blogged in forever.  I promise to myself not to stop ever again because writing is my release for sure.   I am positive though the pause is due to trying to be busy and stay focused with what is going on in my life.  I was doing great, I had even put my past behind me (and by past I mean my horrid ex and terrible situation leaving.)  Then something hit me the day before yesterday, like a freight train.  My heart stopped, my blood pressure rose, my eyes teared up, and my stomach churned like a sea in a hurricane.  I was served papers for my amazing little girl.  He must be joking right?  He can't seriously think after not seeing her for a year-but like three times in a public place verbally degrading me for an hour counts?

Anyways... Let's try this again...
Good morning.  Sorry about not keeping in touch with you.  I am so depressed about this.  I spend every second with her now.  To think of not having her with me all the time makes me sick to my stomach.  She is so secure and happy right now.  She will be confused, scared and so upset when she has to go with him.  She will be a different personality due to the dysfunction because she isn't used to it.  Our worlds are so different.  His is ghetto and complicated.  Mine isn't perfect, but it is stable and loving and nurturing. 
She slept with me last night.  She didn't go to bed until pretty late bc she has been home with my mom and sister during the day due to their holiday breaks lasting long.  Ugh , I am so upset.  I have been breaking down into tears throughout the day and hiding it from people.  I can't lose my baby girl to him.  She is so innocent and child-like (as a one-year old should be).  He took that away from his son.  I don't want that taken away from her.  I know it will be though.

I must continue to give it everything I have, no matter how weak I feel.  Which is very weak right now-- how can evil win so many times and keep coming back?  How can people who do horrible things to other succeed and come back for more?

I must fight. Give it all I have.  Try and be her light in the very dark path he is trying to pull her down.

For all other single moms out there who are trying to survive and keep your child from your dangerous ex, remember you can't give up.  I am preaching to the choir, I realize this, but we all have to bind together and find strength in each other!